I want to put all speculations to rest. There has been a lot of talk about Mangoville being hostage to crony capitalism, that it is an oligarchy or a plutocracy. I don’t understand any of these terms. Writers keep coming up with new ones all the time and it is difficult to keep up. Aunty Opinion was saying that she wants me to separate milk from water – doodh ka doodh and paani ka paani. Strange request. If she wants water, she should buy water, why does she want to obtain water from milk? I wish people would talk in simpler language. Since I am a simple person and believe in straight talk, I invited Mojo Mahalingam to my humble home to clear the air about a certain assumed nexus between the two of us. He declined to come over and instead sent me a helicopter to bring me to his mansion. I was offered a welcome drink of single malt whiskey mixed with water brought from an ancient spring in the mountains of Italy. I liked it so much that I had two more glasses with rare parmesan cheese and caviar. Needless to say, I was fully charged up to throw difficult questions at him.
Mojo, people think that you were a nobody until I came to power and all your success is because of our close association.
O great Supreme Leader, my brother and my friend, I couldn’t have achieved anything in life without your blessings and support. The single malt whiskey and caviar is small price to pay for it.
Er… Mojo, I think you are confusing me with someone else. Remember, this is a podcast. Nexus, crony capitalism allegations and all that…..ring a bell?
Oh ok ok. Supreme Leader, you are an absolute pain the ass. Since you came to power through a coup, nothing has gone right. My factories are on the verge of shutting down and my stock price is plunging. All this wealth that you see is just a facade
Mojo, we need not go that extreme either. Remember the middle path? Ok, let’s talk about your history.
My history? Hmm. I was polishing shoes outside Baiganpally railway station. One day a man threw coins at me. Since that day I decided that I will not polish boots anymore.
That sounds straight out of a movie. You really must have taken it to heart. All the losers of Baiganpally need to take inspiration from you.
No, I was polishing my own shoes because I had stepped on horse shit and the guy thought I am a professional boot polisher. I would have taken the money, but I recognised the coins as fake ones that my dad used to manufacture in his factory as a side business.
Oh yes, your dad, the notorious counterfeiter Cocolingam. I guess he is still in prison?
No, he escaped long ago and adopted a new identity. Now he is on the Board of Directors of Mangoville Reserve Bank.
Interesting. How did you get into the automobile manufacturing business?
In 2014 Mango Motors Company went bankrupt. So I paid a visit to its Chairman Mr. Mangomotorscompanywala and made him an offer he could not refuse.
Oh, so you threatened him Godfather style by beheading his favourite horse?
He didn’t have any horse. So I bought a stuffed toy horse and beheaded it and sent the video to him. His daughter was so thrilled with the whole thing that she decided to marry me. Two birds with one stone. Hehe.
It is said that Mr. Mangomotorscompanywala was suffering from dementia and frequently mistook stuffed toys for real people. He would even talk to them.
Yes, he had even appointed a sock puppet as the CFO. That is where I got the idea.
You are so clever. And people unnecessarily blame you for using underhand tactics. Tell us about your shareholding structure. People say that you have made it so complicated, it is impossible to figure out who the real owners are.
It is very simple. Accountants use their brains too much. Even when truth is staring them in the face they want to see complex things. Here is the company structure. Any idiot can see who the real owner is.
Er Mojo, that does not look like a holding structure to me.
It isn’t? But my sock puppet CFO has been submitting this to the auditors and regulators for years and they have no objection to it.
You still have the sock puppet as the CFO?
Yeah, he’s a great guy. Doesn’t ask any difficult questions. The auditor is also a sock puppet. They get along very well.
That does not look very good Mojo. Your auditors cannot be hand in socks, I mean….. hand in glove with your CFO.
It is my money. I can do whatever I want with it, as long as I am paying taxes. I paid Rs 1.2 crore in road tax on my Rolls Royce.
That’s not the same thing. Your financial results show that you had zero tax liability in the last 3 years because your companies are loss making. How can you afford this lifestyle when your companies are making losses?
My lifestyle is the reason my companies are making losses.
You are answerable to your shareholders. You should reduce your salary and perks until the companies are profitable.
Our share price has increased 1200% in 2 years. Who cares about profits?
They have also fallen 90% in the last 3 months.
I will declare that we are venturing into Electric Vehicles. It will climb again. In fact let me do it right now.
You didn’t mention 2nd quarter of which year. It could be 2 years, 5 years.
I didn’t even mention what EV is. But it is not my job to educate idiots. Look, the share price has already increased 200%.
Listeners of this podcast, this is a proof that your beloved Supreme Leader is not involved in any hanky panky. You are responsible for the mess you are in.
Supreme Leader, where are the tough questions? These are baby questions. Even my sock puppet CFO can answer them.
They are part of the rapid fire round. Here they come….
As you can see we asked some really tough questions today. And Mojo Mahalingam handled them quite well. It has been proven beyond doubt that there is no nexus between the two of us. Anyone indulging in speculations will be arrested for character assassination and sent to Carlos the crocodile. In case you are wondering what does Carlos have to do with anything, please read here.