I have had it with people using expressions without bothering to check if they really fit into the context. What is the temptation to add unnecessary flourish to your language in ordinary conversations? However if you ask me, flourish is better than incorrect use. What annoys me most is people using expressions without knowing what they mean. Simply for the heck of it. Keep it simple. Today I got this letter from Rickshaw Rowdy, addressed in flattering expressions as if he has decided to write a Hanuman Chalisa in my honour. It turns out that he is demanding my resignation:
Dear Supreme Leader,
With utmost sincerity I bow my head in front of you and also prostrate at your feet.
You, whom the Gods chose to lead us mere mortals, with due respect, are an idiot Sir.
You have failed to discharge your holy duties with fairness and intelligence.
Rickshaw drivers in Baiganpally are the laughing stock of their counterparts in Totapuri who are getting petrol at Rs 20 per litre.
Before next elections they are going to get free Rickshaw also.
It is better to drown in the swamp than bear this humiliation.
So please drown yourself in the swamp Your Highness.
Yours Sincerely
Rickshaw Rowdy
Attached: Directions to the swamp.
CC: Carlos the Crocodile – Please prepare
Before I depart for the swamp at the instructions of Rickshaw Rowdy, who no doubt has my best interests at heart, let me share with you some samples of more unnecessary and incorrect expressions that I keep coming across:
You can extract oil from rocks, extract blood from mosquitoes, but you cannot extract revenge. Unless you are a sadistic dentist.
We appreciate people who can laugh at themselves. But the only ‘self-depreciating’ thing in life is your memory.
If you could care less, please do. Because unless you are Mother Teresa, your ability to care is finite. If you have already reached the bottom of your care quota, take care to use the correct expression.
Only Supreme Leaders like me can write history of the future. If you are a mortal like Rickshaw Rowdy, save one word and give some rest to your already tired keyboard
Bud = undeveloped flower.
Butt = Butt.
Bud is easy to nip.
There is nothing to nip in the Butt.
If you can explain ‘State of the art’, ‘Leading edge’, ‘bleeding edge’ etc without using Google, this recommendation is not for you. Everyone else, please keep it simple.
I could go on, but I will be accused of being a language Nazi, a grouch and an arrogant person who looks down upon people with lesser understanding of correct expressions. I will be trolled for being elitist, some like Rickshaw Rowdy will ask me to resign and drown myself in the swamp, while the more eager and enterprising will bring Carlos the Crocodile to my house.
Edit: Rickshaw Rowdy is lying through his teeth when he says that petrol is Rs 20 in Totapuri. For the record, petrol is Rs 25 in Totapuri and they get Rs 5 cashback if they like my profile picture.