Rickshaw Rowdy is after my life, asking me to make a business plan for his airport drop services. He thinks that just because I can tinker with laptops, plumbing pipes and electrical sockets, I am some kind of superman. His attitude and body language has changed from greedy to needy and to be honest, I like him better in his original avatar. At least you know what to expect. He is also giving me “once in a lifetime opportunity” vibes, which I last got when Baby Malini asked me to help her escape from home.
I don’t know what Rowdy thinks my qualifications are. To him probably any multi talented guy who speaks good English is some superstar in the making. I am struggling to graduate from Baiganpally College for Repeaters and my understanding of accounting is only slightly better than Mishra ji’s which is not saying a lot. Mishra ji is unable to balance a balance sheet and while I cannot do it either, at least I respect the fact that it should balance while he is always in defiant mode and thinks it is unnecessary. I wonder how he keeps his job, unless he is used as some kind of example to teach interns how not to do accounting. Like “How not to crash an aircraft after consuming bhaang“.
‘Business’ and ‘Planning’ are two alien concepts to me. And I mean real alien. Like ‘cat offers its share of cream to malnourished sibling‘ alien. But how difficult can it be? Some of the most successful business tycoons did not complete formal education. Maybe it just comes naturally to some people and it is my true calling. I won’t know unless I jump into the deep end of the pool.
Let’s see what Rowdy is proposing. He wants to offer a low cost airport pickup and drop service using an abandoned road that passes through a leopard infested jungle. The simplest thing to do is a SWOT analysis. They taught me this in class and it looked pretty straightforward:
This should make Rowdy happy and make him offer me free rickshaw rides for life, along with the occasional on-board biryani. I am beginning to like this business plan stuff. It’s not so difficult. Look, I dug up something called Porter’s Five Forces Model. I am literally killing it now. I think I should tell Rowdy that I will not just help him with the business plan but also be a shareholder in his business. After all this ground work I deserve it.
Porter’s 5 Forces Model
1. Competition
2. Threat of New Entrants
3. Power of Customers
4. Power of Suppliers
5. Threat of Substitutes
As you can see, Rickshaw Rowdy is going to ace any 5 or 10 forces model that Porter chacha throws at him. He is unstoppable. This is the next billion dollar startup and I am going to be its CEO. Baby Malini will fall at my feet and ask me to marry her. I shall obviously throw some attitude before saying ‘Yes’. Wait, there is a knock on the door. Must be Rowdy! This positive energy can be very telepathic.
Murugan anna has arrested me and lobbed me into the lockup for the night. At least he allowed me to carry my laptop and charger. But there is no charging point in the cell. Before the charge runs out, let me post a selfie of myself before they beat me to pulp. It will serve as a good ‘Before and After’ evidence in court.
To be continued….